A couple of days ago I took Master J and
his best buddy Master C to the zoo. They
were FULL ON from the minute they got in the car. “Lets see how long we can hold our breath
for” Master C says. “One, two, three, GO!” “You made a noise, so you’re
out!” “Nah”, ‘Yeah”, “Nah”, Yeah”, “Nah,
Yeah”, “NAH!!” “YEAH”! “BOYS! I shout from the front of the car, how can
either of you be holding your breath if you’re talking to each other??” “Oh, yeah” they giggle hysterically. “Let’s go again………” I roll my eyes – this was
going to be a loooong day!
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| Such a pair of little dudes! |
I couldn't help but chuckle, listening to
the conversations of these two 'almost' six year olds. “What are your private parts?” says one
“It’s a penis and a vagina”. “Nah! It’s what’s under your clothes!” “Yeah, like your penis and your belly
button! “Yeah, and boobs!!” More hysterical giggles. Then their voices become really hushed, so
that I can supposedly not hear then.
“Lets say the f-word.” “Ok, one,
two, three…….f-word!!!” “Boys’….. I can
hear you!! I say. Silence. “We didn’t say ANYTHING!” they protest in-between more giggles. “You know the f-word is very rude don’t
you??” I tell them. “If you say it at school you’ll be straight
down to see the principle!” But what
does it mean mum? Master J asks. “It means fabulous! “NAH, they giggle, you’re tricking us!!
We arrive at last and they dash off ahead
me like two little out of control rockets!
It’s great exercise for me having to run after them with Miss L in the
pram. By the time I catch up with them they’ve climbed to the top of two giant poles.
“What are you doing?” I shout up at them. “We’re trying to see if we can see over the
zoo roof, Mater J yells back!” “Well,
get back down now! I don’t want to take you home via the hospital.”
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| Just like a pair of monkeys |
“Ok boys, I have one rule! If you can’t see me then you’re gone to
far! Ok??” “Yeah yeah” they say, and before I have a
chance to get them to repeat it, they’ve broken it already! Sh***T where are they now? I have visions of having to tell Master C’s
mum that I lost him at the zoo. What on
earth possessed me to think it was a good idea to come to the zoo in the school
holidays??? Eventually I spot them. “Boys!!
What was my rule??” “If we can’t see
you it’s bad?” “EXACTLY!! Now, could you see me?? “Yeah – you were just over there!!” Deep breaths, deep breathes! I’ve been stumped by two 5 year olds.
“PLEEEAAAASSSE can we go over there and see
the snakes?” “PLEEEEAAAASE” they both
say, wringing their hands for effect.
“Oh alright.” (Of course they’d want to see the spiders rather than a
friendly giraffe). “YESSSSS!” and once
again, they’re gone. Short
memories. “BOYS” I yell after them again
– “what colour is the pram?” “PINK” they
yell back! “Phew, at least they have
something to look out for if they’re lost!
The spider and snake section is a long narrow tunnel that goes through
what feels like a cave. It’s dark and
has glass cages the whole way through it that are filled with every kind of
deadly creature you can image. Being
school holidays, it was absolutely packed and once I was in I couldn’t turn
around and go back. This really is my
idea of hell. I could just about make
out the boys’ ducking and diving their way through the crowds before they
disappeared. With Miss L is the pram, I
and was trying to go as fast as I could to catch up with them. “Excuse me, excise me, can I just get past
you?” I found myself saying a hundred
times. I couldn’t help feeling a bit
panicked. How strong is the glass on
those cages?? My mind started wondering
and I had visions of the crowds screaming and dispersing as two little boys had
managed to let a couple of snakes out!!
Oh god that would just be so typical of them!!
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| Making friends witha local blue tongued lizard |
Fortunately when I reached the end of the
tunnel I was still alive and so were the boys.
I found them sitting on a wall holding a lizard. I think the zookeeper had taken a liking to
them, with their big smiles and tilted baseball caps and a zillion over-enthusiastic
questions. She was carrying a python and
asked if they wanted to hold it. Of
course they did!! I should have expected nothing less.
“Whoa, easy boys” says the zookeeper as they just grab the snake! Honestly NO fear at all. The python’s head is whizzing around their
faces and they don’t even flinch. Me on
the other had – is taking deep breathes again!!
“Ok, so who is going to hold the head boys?” she asks, “ME, ME, ME, ME,
ME!!!” they shout at the same time, hands in flying in the air. “Lets do rock, paper, scissors”, she
suggests. Master J wins and just grabs
the python’s head. Oh, my god, I think,
just hurry up and take the picture will you!”
They’d drawn quite a crowd by this point and later on that day when we
went to the information desk to collect their photo, the lady on the desk knew
exactly who they were the minute we walked in, and I didn’t even have to show my
ticket! I must admit – they did take a
pretty awesome picture.
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| Rock, paper, scissors |
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| I just LOVE the expressions! |
“Do you want to go and see a show now
boys?” “Nah, they’re SOOO boring! Can we go to the kids bit?” “Are you sure?” I ask. “What about the seal show?” “Awww we hate the seal show - it’s for babies!!” “Ok, fine”, I say, “lets go to the kids bit.” Once again they’re off and I’m left yelling –
“What colour is the pram boys???” “PINK!!!”
I wonder behind them, looking at the animals and the beautiful view. They’re not interests in the slightest.
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| Trying to blow each other out of a cannon! |
In the kids bit they enter a competition where
they have to identify three different creatures to win a plastic magnifying
glass. As soon as they got their magnifying glasses they were off, crawling ‘off piste’ through the bushes trying to find
“things’. “Boys, there is a path here
for a reason – get back on it!” Either
they can’t hear me or it’s a great case of selective hearing but they take
absolutely no notice of me. They seem to
be having so much fun, that I decided to just leave them to it. However, I can’t help thinking at the back of
my mind what I would tell Master C’s mum if he gets bitten by a snake or falls
off a rock!!
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| Far happier playing 'off piste' than sticking to the tourist paths! |
Best to be safe, so I drag them back on
piste again and off we go. On the way
back to the top we pass the seal show and it’s just starting. “Are you sure you don’t want to watch it?” I
ask “Nah” they say together. “Fine!” I think. Lets just get going. However just as we past the entrance they
dash in. “Honestly!!! I park up the pram and push my way through
the crowds to try and see them. They’ve
managed to push their way in front of everyone and get a seat in the front of a
completely packed out arena. Well, if
they can get away with it I think…….. I
wait outside for them, sticking my head in every couple of minutes to check they’re
still there. They come and find me once
the show has finished and I ask, “So how was it then?” “AWESOME!!
They reply!
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| You gotta love them! So different to spending the day with girls |
