Monday, 19 March 2012

Mummy laid an egg

“Why mummy?” “Why mummy?” “Why mummy?” "Why Why Why? I had almost forgotten about that oh so annoying stage of development until it suddenly reappeared as Miss H’s new favourite phrase a few days ago.  I wonder how long until I start to give her the standard answer I gave Master J – “because Y has a tail!”  I’m pretty sure my mum used that line on me too.  Her questions are quite cute but she doesn’t seem to be overly concerned by the actual answer itself – she just seems to keep on going with the ‘why’s’ regardless of how ridiculous an answer I give her.  Fortunately I can still pretty much get away with anything!!

With my ever growing belly and the count down to new baby de Beer not so far away now, pregnancy related questions in our house are a hot topic at the moment!  “Is that a baby in your tummy mum?” Miss H asks.  “Yes” I answer.  “Oh’ she says, “Is it a mermaid baby?”  “No, it’s not a mermaid”, I respond, “It’s another little baby just like you!”  “When I grow up mummy, I want to go in your tummy too –just like that baby”.   Mmmmm not sure that’s going to happen, but as she’s so insistent I just agree with her and it keeps her happy!  

Master J, on the other hand, is not so easily fooled and quite matter of factly asks me “How did your baby get in your tummy mum?  And how is it going to get out?”  We were in the car on our way to school one morning discussing Master J's Monday morning “news”, when this question suddenly came out of nowhere!  I almost got whiplash as I threw my head back to see how serious he was, and then found myself mumbling something about a seed and doctors cutting mummy’s tummy open………….  Oh god, I really should have seen this one coming!!  Luckily we arrived at school and I managed to slip out of it – phew!

I called Mr D as soon as I got back onto the car to tell him that the time had come to give J a bit more information on where babies come from.  I just knew that this wasn’t the end of it!  He laughed and said “Ah yes, he’s also been asking me how the baby got into your tummy”  “Oh well thanks very much for the warning!! I say.  Typical man!!  He never remembers to tell me any of the minor but VERY important details about the kids.  “So what did you tell him?” I ask.  “Well, I said that daddy plants a seed in your tummy and it grows into a baby” “Mmmm, not bad” I think.  Maybe I’ll continue along those lines when I next get asked.  Sure enough it’s not long before he asks me again (clearly not satisfied with Dad’s answer).  Feeling slightly more prepared than last time I begin to tell him that dad plants a seed in my tummy and it grows into a baby and that’s why my tummy is getting bigger and bigger.  “How did the seed get in mum?  Did you swallow it?”  “Oh my god – really?????” I think, trying my best to stay composed.  I guess that’s a perfectly logical thing for a 5 year old to think you do with seeds, right??  “Yes”, I answer, “that’s right”, unable to think of anything better.  “So once it gets really big – how does it come out?” he then asks.  “Well, the doctor will make a tiny hole in my tummy and pull it out” I say.  “How big will the hole be, can I see it?  Will you have stitches like Miss H did??”  Ok, I think I really am going to have to tell him the truth now – lying is only going to get me into more hot water!

Thank goodness for Google!!  I spent the next few evenings researching how to explain ‘where babies come from’ to a 5-year-old.  Almost all advice was to be honest and to use all the correct terminology.  I really want to answer all of his questions with just the right amount of information to satisfy his curiosity but without leaving me open to ‘further questioning’, which could lead us down a path that I don’t think he’s quite ready to venture down yet!  Several forums lead me to a book called ‘Mummy laid an Egg’ by Babette Cole, so I decided to order it and use it as my trusty assistant (especially as my husband seemed to be doing a very good job of escaping any responsibility in this).

When the book arrived I went through it, and as recommended it was just perfect!!  There were a few pages that really made me laugh – I mean the truth is a BIT funny isn’t it???  When Master J got home from school that afternoon we sat down and read it together.  It went straight over Miss H’s head (thank god) and seemed to do just the job in answering all of Master J’s questions.  Well, he had no more – so he was either satisfied or he’s jut processing everything and is going to come back and hit me later with a few more!!

Happy with my job as mummy, I decided to get dad involved (as secret pay back for his lack of assistance on the topic).  As soon as he walked in the door that evening I said, “Master J, why don’t you go and get that new book we got today and show dad?’  “Dad, will you read it?” he said excitedly “Sure, bring it here!”  I made sure I was ‘busy’ in the kitchen but that I could still see them.    He started off the story really enthusiastically until he got to the page in question and then I could see the blood drain from his face!!!  I couldn’t help but laugh out loud as he stuttered and stammered and turned over the pages really quickly.  He then threw me this look over the top of the book (which made me laugh even more) because he knew he’d been stitched up!! 

Master J had to help him finish the story!

Stating the obvious!

Have you got around to having 'the chat with your kids yet'??